The college application process, for lack of a better metaphor, truly seems to resemble a battlefield, and a bloody one at that. All around me, people charge forward, only to be barraged with rejection letters from their top schools. All around me, the greatest aspirations of my friends are dashed by mere print on paper. I feel odd, watching calmly as the hopes of my classmates drop like flies.
I know exactly what they are feeling: the pain, the hopelessness, the absolute, irrational but nonetheless present feeling that the end of the world has truly come. The only difference is that I experienced it four years ago. The lines of mixed sorrow, embarrassment and self pity mar the faces of the fallen. The same defeated expression is worn by all who experience it, a subtle mark of shame and exile, a banishment from one's own future.
Even those far beyond qualified for the best schools in the country are brought to their knees, seemingly on a whim, with neither explanation nor consolation. Those far smarter, more athletic and more talented than I find themselves with nowhere to go but a dreaded safety school, yet I find myself looking upon the battlefield with immunity. I am shielded by the folder perched meticulously on my desk, marked only by a picture of a golden dome and the words WELCOME HOME.
It is odd, then, to look around, feeling sympathy but not empathy for my fallen friends. As the death toll rises, I find myself feeling more and more detached from the matter. Perhaps I try to distance myself from the pain of rejection that I know only too well. Regardless of the cause, my dismissive demeanor increases as I am approached by more people injured by college acceptances. My once-significant well of compassion seems to have all but run dry. As those closest to me express their senses of loss, I give nothing but good wishes and mild consolations. Perhaps I am not able to give anything more. Perhaps I don't care enough to try. It brings to mind a statement which I have heard on numerous occasions, regarding the only way one can move themselves forward in whatever field they choose to pursue. It is a disquieting statement, but one that seems to grow more valid every day.
You kinda need to have ice water in your veins.
