Reader, have you the slightest notion as to the quantities of semi-frozen precipitation that have been experienced over the past month? The preceding interrogative was, as I am sure you guessed, rhetorical. The seriousness of this occurrence, however, is by no means diminished. Why so serious an outlook on some more-than-mild weather patterns and a few days off from school you ask? I think the answer is quite obvious. Regions in the United States whose temperatures have never fallen below 40^oF received snow this season. These dramatic shifts in weather patterns and climate changes can have only one possible cause, and it is more sinister than any other on the face of the planet today. I am, of course, referring to the evils of affirmative action.

Affirmative action, for those who are unfamiliar with it, is the practice of changing standards of acceptance or admission for certain ethnic or minority groups. In essence, it gives jobs, promotions, and, most importantly, college acceptances, to applicants who simply do not deserve them. This despicable practice does not further equality or civil rights, as some may argue. It succeeds only in stifling the progression of truly hardworking and deserving people. Why does one deserve to be punished simply because he is not a minority? Another rhetorical question, to which there is no good answer. It is not a white male’s fault that he is so much smarter and generally better qualified than his minority competitors.

One may still ask how affirmative action relates to the odd weather patterns of late. This answer, again, is rather obvious. God has made it clear that he in no way supports our nation’s affirmatively acting ways. I submit that these weather storms will continue until some remedy is made. There is only one solution. Affirmative action practices must be halted with all possible haste, lest America encounter a swift and relentless destruction at the hands of an angry God.